I had learned that “self-help is the opposite of reality; it is an illusion.” The first step to success was first identifying my false beliefs. Most were about the ego's false beliefs. My old “beliefs” about myself had been in place for nearly a century. These included my belief that I was stupid, a failure, not good enough, not successful, etc. They all are forms of self-help and self-justification that we used to maintain the delusion in our minds that we are somehow better than we actually are. I was in this same old frame of mind. When we believe we are good or successful because we have the right things, then any failure appears to be a personal fault. So, when I failed to reach the goal, it is my fault, not the game's, and I could not afford to feel bad because my personal failures were due to “other people.” When my “friends” would ask “What was wrong with you?” or some variation thereof, I blamed myself. A similar situation developed with one of my co-workers. I have never gotten along with her. Some weeks I would find myself apologizing to her; other weeks she would turn around and criticize someone else in front of me. We both made the same sort of mistakes, and yet none of this mattered. She still worked with me, so I felt justified in feeling sorry for myself. I thought my self-worth was dependent on my actions. When I failed at my goals, it was her job to take it out on me. We always looked at her, never at each other, nor at “ourselves.” No wonder we get the same result. The ego is a trap. It is an illusion that can only be destroyed by getting ourselves and others out of it. But this is all a part of consciousness. Consciously, we come into the world with a belief and a tendency to act on that belief. We come into the world believing in ourselves (ourselves being one of our base beliefs); and we come into the world acting on that belief. We come into the world with a self-centered, egocentric tendency. The process of becoming aware of our base beliefs as opposed to our ego-centered beliefs is one of becoming aware of conscious awareness. Awareness is the first step to getting beyond the ego. But it is a self-centered process. It is in us and depends on our ego.
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7th Tradition Workshop, May 30th, Page 6 Spring Fling, May 15, Page 6 SE UN IT Y AA RECOVERY I RV CE Central Oregon's HOTLINE: 541-548541-548-0440 Central Oregon Intergroup Office M F 00 5 5:00 754
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