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(YouTube Red Jingle) (funky music with a strong beat) — It looks so warm in Calabasas. — Why are Kim and Khloé always eating salads out of plastic containers? What about that fancy Black China they're always talking about? — They eat out of plastic containers because they're always on the go. — But, what exactly do they do, besides make the chubby lesbian cry? — Grandma, no, that's Rob. And they're famous for being themselves, although I'm not sure if I'd like that. I mean, everyone wanting to know everything about you, like what you did on vacation or how you survived high school. — People will watch anything. — If I were famous, I'd want to be known for my acting abilities, and keep my real life a mystery. Like an approachable Natalie Portman. — Go outside. This is all you've done the past week. — Mom, Grandma needs to see this if she's going to watch tonight's premiere with me. — It's called quot;Keeping Up With The Kardashians”, I have to be caught up. — Did you send your resume to Holt, Hughes and Stanton? — What's the point? I mean why didn't you let me major in theater like I wanted to? Who's even an accountant anymore? — I'm an accountant. — And you're sure your firm isn't hiring? Maybe it's time to get creative. Kim Kardashian used her butt to get her whole family careers. — Don't you want more out of life? — I want three Oscars, a house on the beach, and a headboard that looks like an aquarium. I'll send out my resume tomorrow. — You know Jana, you don't have to just sit here on the couch with me. — Look! Palm tree montage. God, how cool would it be to see a palm tree IRL? — Hey, hit pause. I love sitting on this couch with you more than anything. — Are you breaking up with me? — You need to want more. You've been stuck in a rut ever since you moved back after school. And we both know you'd make a terrible accountant. Jana, just go get that aquarium bed right now. — I think Al's Pet World is closed. — It's a metaphor. — So, what, you think I should just move to Hollywood and start acting? — See, you already know what you want. — It's been my dream my whole life, but I'm not sure-- - Don't finish that sentence, we hate the end of that sentence. The end of that sentence is the enemy. — But Grandma. — No, you're good. I hear you in your room doing that monologue from the vampire-werewolf movie. — I don't do that. Anymore. — If my granddaughter wants to see some palm trees, she's going to see some damn palm trees. — Well, there was this casting website I used to look at. — Really? Oh, show me, now. — Here. Seeking women ages 15 to 25 for a used car commercial. Open all heights, weights, and ethnicities. That's me! — That's you! — Do you really think I could do this? — Jana, you've wanted this your whole life, if you don't go now you'll regret it forever. — Like the time I got bangs. — Yes, that was a terrible idea, but this isn't. — I don't know. (sighs) — You know what? — What? — We could do it together. That's it! How 'bout if I come...
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