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Our main story tonight is government surveillance and I realize most people would rather have a conversation about literally any other topic including is my smartphone giving me cancer to which the answer is probably or do goldfish suffer from depression to which the answer is yes but very briefly, but the fact is it is vital that we have a discussion about this now because an important date is just around the corner one big data circle on the calendar when it comes to a very controversial subject the reauthorization of the Patriot Act and all the controversial provisions there in June first they've got to come to an agreement to reauthorize or curtail this program yes some controversial provisions within the Patriot Act the Patriot Act are set to expire on June the 1st so circle that date on your calendars everyone and while you're at it Circle June 2nd as well because that's Justin Long's birthday you all forgot last year anything noticed now over the last couple of years you've probably heard a lot about strange sounding programs such as keystone muscular prism and mystic which are coincidentally also the names of summer Florida's least popular strip clubs welcome to keystone our dancers are fully unredacted and Tuesday is wing night but if you don't mind I would like to refresh your memory over some of this and let's start by focusing on the most controversial portion of the Patriot Act that is up for renewal section 215 which I'm aware sounds like the name of an Eastern European boy band we are section 215 prepares to have your hearts throb better there's that the key one is the bad boy the one who strangled a potato farmer and the one without an iron deficiency they're incredible but the contents of the real section 215 is actually even more sinister it's called section 215 nicknamed the library records provision which allows the government to require businesses to hand over records of any quote any tangible things including books records papers documents and other items if that sounds broad it's because it was very much written that way section 215 so if the government can ask for any tangible things so long as it's for an investigation to protect against international terrorism which is basically a blank check it's like letting a teenager borrow the car on the strict condition that they only use it for car related activities okay mom and dad I'm going to use this for a hand job in the Wendy's parking lot, but that is correlated, so I think uncovered section 215 is overseen by a secret intelligence court known as the FISA Court, and they've interpreted it to mean the government could basically collect and store phone records for every American the vast majority of whom of course have no connection to terrorism unless aren't Cheryl has been greatly mischaracterizing the activities of her needlepoint club it's a sleeper cell isn't it aren't Sheryl you will hang for this art Cheryl you're a traitor and a terrible aunt not in that order now...
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