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NOW, FOLKS, WE ARE COMING UP ON THE WEEKEND.THIS IS A FRIDAY.FRIDAY MEANS WE×39’RE ABOUT TO DO STEPHEN COLBERT'S MIDNIGHTCONFESSIONS.WHICH REMINDS ME, THIS WEEKEND, GO OUT AND GET MY BOOK.quot;STEPHEN COLBERT'S MIDNIGHT CONFESSIONS.quot;WE'RE GOING TO MILK THIS THING UNTIL THERE×39’S NOTHING LEFT.THERE'LL BE AN AUDIOBOOK, quot;MIDNIGHT CONFESSIONS: BROADWAY MUSICAL, WHICH WILL BE ADAPTED INTO A MOVIE: quot;MIDNIGHTCONFESSIONS: TOKYO DRIFT, *?? WHICH THEN WILL THEN BE NOVELIZED iBook FORM.SO DON'T MISS THE BOAT.GET IN ON THE First FLOOR WITH “MIDNIGHT CONFESSIONS.” DONE#39’T FIGHT IT.BRING IT!(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) WE DO MIDNIGHT CONFESSIONSBECAUSE EVEN THOUGH IN×39’M A CATHOLIC, I DON'T MAKE IT CHURCH AS OFTEN AS THERE IS CHURCH.AND WHAT I MISS MOST ABOUT THE SACRAMENTS IS CONFESSION.SO IF YOU're DONE#39’T MIND, I'D LIKE TO CONFESS TO YOU, MY AUDIENCE.YOU WON×39’T TELL ANYBODY, RIGHT?>> Audience: OF COURSE NOT! Sgt;> Stephen: GREAT.THIS IS STEPHEN COLBERT#39’“ “MIDNIGHT CONFESSIONS!”(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) CHEAPER(LAUGHTER) >> Stephen: STANDARD DISCLAIMER:I'm DONE#39’T KNOW IF THESE ARE TECHNICALLY SINS, BUT I DO FREELOAD ABOUT THEM.OKAY, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.FORGIVE ME, AUDIENCE, I HAVE NEVER PREHEATED AN OVEN.BUT I HAVE PRE-EATEN A FROZEN PIZZA.(LAUGHTER) SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES, AUDIENCE, I THROW GARBAGE OUT THE CAR WINDOWSILL PARKED IN MY NEIGHBOR#39’S DRIVEWAY.(LAUGHTER) MY KID ISN#39’T AN HONOR STUDENT.HE'S JUSPerfectOD AT FORGING BUMPER STICKERS.(LAUGHTER) SOMETIMES I DRINK MILK RIGHT OUT THE CARBON.AFTER I FILL IT WITH BOURBON.(LAUGHTER) MMM.MMM.(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Father's Cows ARE FLAMMABLE.(LAUGHTER) AUDIENCE, I HAVE A OVERDUELIBRARY COPY OF quot;1984” THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO RETURN IN 1983.(LAUGHTER) MY SLEEP NUMBER IS PI.(LAUGHTER) WHENEVER I RIDE A BICYCLE, IRON'T WEAR A HELMET, BECAUSE I WANT THE AMBULANCE DRIVERS NOTHING I'M COOL.(LAUGHTER) I'M FROM SOUTH CAROLINA AND IN×39;PROUD OF IT.BUT I STILL GIGGLE WHEN I HEAR THE NAME quot;GAMECOCKS.”(LAUGHTER) I SECRETLY HOPE HEAVEN HAS AV. I.P. SECTION FOR FAMOUS PEOPLE, BECAUSE I'm DONE#39’T WANT To-do SELFIES FOR ETERNITY.(LAUGHTER) SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES I PLACEHOLDERS AT MULTIPLE DOMINO×39’S JUST SO I CAN WATCH THEM RACE ON PIZZA TRACKER.(LAUGHTER) FORGIVE ME, AUDIENCE?>> Audience: WE FORGIVE YOU! Sgt;> Stephen: THANKS.WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
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