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Translator: TED Translators admin Reviewer: Peter van de Even I'm going to talk to you about sex. To be more precise, the sex-starved marriage. When I'm done, you'll know three things that you can do to prevent it from happening in your life. So first I'd like to tell you a story. For the last three decades, I've been specializing in work with 911 couples, couples who are truly teetering on the brink of divorce. I resuscitate flat-line relationships. I try to teach couples what they need to know to resolve their differences and fall back in love, and put their kids in bed at night together. It's not an easy job, but I didn't choose my career, my career chose me. You see, I grew up in an incredible family. Two loving parents who never fought, two great brothers, a large extended family with whom we spent every weekend and all of our holidays. Until one fateful day, I was 16 years old and a senior in high school and my mom called us all in for a family meeting, and she proceeded to tell us that she'd been miserable for 23 years in her marriage and she was getting a divorce from my father. No one saw it coming. I told you, my parents never fought. I remember the feeling of blood rushing from my body, thinking, “How can this be happening? I'm leaving home, and my nest is falling apart.” And that's precisely what happened. Divorce not only ends a marriage, it dissolves a family. The sadness about the break-up of my family still lingers today. That's because divorce is forever. Now, my parents' divorce affected me in a number of ways. First, it made me incredibly impassioned about learning everything I possibly could about how to have a healthy, loving, lasting relationship, so I could apply it in my own life with my own family, and my own marriage. And I'm very proud to say that one of my biggest accomplishments is my nearly 40-year marriage to my husband, Jim. And if you knew him, you'd know what an accomplishment this really is. (Laughter) The other thing the divorce made me do, is been incredibly impassioned about teaching what I know to anyone who crosses my path. Now when I say that, I really mean that. I'm not just talking about the couples in my practice. I do some of my best work on airplanes, or online at Whole Foods, or as a matter of fact, that's why I'm here right now. I want to warn you about the inevitable pitfalls of a sex-starved marriage. But what is that? A sex-starved marriage is one where one spouse is desperately longing for more touch, more physical closeness, more sex, more physical affection, and the other spouse is thinking, “What is the big deal? Would you just get a life, it's just sex.quot; But to the spouse yearning for more sex and more touch, it's a huge deal, because it really is about feeling wanted, about feeling loved, feeling connected, about feeling masculine, or feminine and attractive? When this major disconnect happens, what also happens is that intimacy on all levels goes right out the door. They stop sitting...
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