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The nightmares alone are really difficult I wake up an extreme panic like I'm sweating and screaming, and I do good at controlling my subconscious throughout the day but then when I sleep I guess it's I'm a lot more messed up than I thought I think I am in the moments after the first bomb went off there was just chaos everybody was screaming and running and just you know general breakout there was smoke everywhere I was blown off my feet the first thing being a mom I thought of was my baby where is he I could hear him I couldn't see him I didn't know where he was I was trying to like to get up, and I realized I couldn't get I couldn't even sit up much less get up on my feet I looked down at my legs where I thought were gone because I couldn't see him my bones were laying next to me on the sidewalk and I realized that Noah was in the back of me and I had reached for him and my left hand had the bones were completely exposed and sticking out was wide open and blood was rushing down my arm, and I was like all right we'll be picking up Noah with this arm you know Rebecca was on the other side of me, and she was a mess at that point I laid back, and I really thought I was coming back I couldn't breathe I couldn't, I didn't know if I had had injuries to my organs or what was going on, but I knew that I was in the worst pain I've ever felt in my life the social worker told me that she had an ankle injury, and they were getting ready to take her into surgery, but she was asking for us and I said yes we'll be on the next flight out, and we were waiting for our connecting flight to Boston we looked up and that was the first time that we had seen any television account of anything and the very first thing we saw it was now in the wheelchair and we both just lost it I mean we both cried like babies and there was a lady sitting there, and she said do you do know somebody who was at the marathon and I said that's my grandson to try to explain to a five-year-old that he was victim of a terrorist attack is one of the hardest things ever he has a lot of repercussions from it, he's very timid now and his personality has shifted a little and I guess down the road he'll better understand what happened Noah was sitting on my feet, and they said that my body completely shielded him he was out of the hospital within five days, and it nearly took my life I tell people that my leg hasn't been my leg since the bombing happened it may be attached, but it's not mine and Ben here was a skin graph of what they took for my thigh there used to be a lot more shrapnel in it too and then this was the flap surgery where they took muscle and tissue from my side and put it down in my foot where the bones are supposed to be that aren't there anymore I had three pins in my hand and then stitches because there were two bones that were completely exposed sticking up like this my brother would have hundreds of stitches throughout here it looks a lot better than it used to look we were...
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